... and it's of me. Yes, I'm the weirdo who scraps super-sized photos of herself. Maybe I'm conceited... and full of myself... or maybe I just want to make sure I get some of my own personal stories down and not just those of my kiddo and family. ;-)
I have some hidden journaling on this one (see the red twine off the left side of the picture?) and I actually feel compelled to share it, just so I don't ever have to think about it anymore. It's out there, it's done, all that good stuff. :-) Except for the twine and journaling cards (CTMH & Project Life), everything is Webster's Pages.
Danny took this picture on Christmas morning. I had no makeup, dirty hair, too little sleep... Anyway, as I write this on 12/6/13 we have finally broken up for the very last time. I just realized that God answered my prayers-- He let me have Danny, let me give him my all. It had to happen so I could see who Danny really is. Six years later and you think you know someone. But I never would have guessed that he would slap me, break my things, keep my things, tell lies, call me a whore (in Sunday morning church no less!); the list is endless. I stayed anyway but now, I'm already 37, and I realized he's never going to marry me, never going to give me the baby I so desire, never going to be good to Nick, never really going to be good to ME... and I deserve better. Much much better. I thank God for His patience with me... for loving me and showing me that Danny just plain isn't for me. He never was and never will be. But my hard head had to keep trying and finally see it for myself. God is SO GOOD for letting me go through and figure it out. Because otherwise I'd still be begging Him to give me Danny and I'd be wasting my life away even longer than I already have. GOD IS SO GOOD. ALL THE TIME! So as I sit and reflect on this picture of me and all the memories it invokes, I'm finding myself grateful for the good times with Danny, mournful for the bad times and over the fact that we just aren't compatible or meant to be, and, above all, grateful to God for the trial. For making me stronger. For His promise to prosper me and give me a future full of purpose. For letting me do it my way even though it was wrong so I'd finally learn... and so I would finally move on. It's taken me a long time and it still hurts but I'm going to be ok. I know everything will work out according to His plan. And I am ever so grateful for that.