It doesn't make sense.
And then I got to thinking about all the albums I've made. Who will want them when I'm gone? Nick is 10 years old and has about 30 albums already (gasp). I have about 20 family albums, and maybe about 6 albums that are all about me. Those are all the 12x12 size; I won't even begin to count the mini albums I have of all of us, too.
OK so Nick will likely want a lot of those when I'm gone. My siblings might if I go before them. But my sisters don't have kids, and my brothers' kids, well, I don't know that I would entrust my precious books to my nephews, and my nieces have cut all contact with this side of the family. Soooo... what happens when Nick is gone? Are all of my albums and precious scrapbook things going to get thrown away? HORROR of all horrors!!!
I was seriously worrying about this today, thinking that all of my hard work is for nothing. Well, it *is* stress relief for me, I consider paper crafts as color therapy lol, BUT if it's just going to get thrown in the trash one day... should I continue taking a picture of EVERY birthday dinner? Of every school event? Of every single activity Nick decides to dabble in (i.e. baseball, piano, guitar, Hot Wheels, muscle cars in general, Lego, Minecraft, drawing, ad infinitum)? Should I even bother to journal about the transitions I'm going through right now in my own life? How sorry I am that I gave up my home for a complete loser? How much I regret this thing and that thing and the other thing... all journaled onto a scrapbook page, most of the time accompanied by a photo? Of course, I have happy memories and hopes too, but will ANY of it matter to anyone when I'm gone?
A lot of this contemplation was brought on by the fact that I don't have a proper scrapbook space and about 1/4 of my scrapbook stuff resides in piles in my bedroom and to get one single page or project complete I spend more time digging than I do creating. I was just thinking, what's the use. Plus, I hate, absolutely HATE, having a mess. I like things super organized and easily accessible. I know that one day I will have proper scrapbook space again, but right here, right now, I don't and I absolutely hate it. I hate how I got here, too.
But then while organizing my things and searching for pictures that might inspire me away from negative thoughts, I found these pictures of me and the Nicksters in our apartment, where we lived for four years. I had pre-made pages that fit the pictures perfectly (from an embellish it! kit) so I added them and called it good. And then I sat and thought about what I wanted to write and I realized how many GREAT memories those pictures invoked, memories of my baby growing up, memories of the things we did together there, how we lived, the pets we had and loved, how I felt about living there, the company I kept, the mistakes I made during that period in my life that I wish I could take back. I wish I had appreciated that tiny apartment more because I'd give just about anything right now to have it back.
I mean, just look at those kitties and our puppy. <3
In the end, the positive thoughts won out and I decided to keep on trekkin'. The flood of good memories those pictures invoked makes it all worth it. So I will keep on taking photos and keep on preserving that which I deem important, and have loads of fun in the process. After all, if nobody wants what I create when I'm gone it won't really matter to me at all, will it? :D